why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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