I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
