If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I can't put those talents on a resume
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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