im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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