I'm jealous of your bromance
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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