Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
