Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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