Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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