Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
