nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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