He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
