And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
