i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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