Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
