In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
