who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
