and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
