Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
