if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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