I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
