You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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