I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
