Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
