are you still at the devil's house?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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