this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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