I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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