I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
