you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
