his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
