there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
