i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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