I'm going to jail i love you
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
