Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
