words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
