it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
There's always time for handjobs
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I wear drunk well.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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