i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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