im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
