i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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