do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
