I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
