I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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