I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
