Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
