I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
