I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
