Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
