Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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