As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
