i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
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