Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
